Addoption
by 8annie81
Summary: I'm not good at fluff, but here goes nothing. Some meddling from Phineas, Ferb and 'doctor' Doffinsmirtz gets Perry turned into a human and the nervous little guy has no where to go except right where he is.
1. Chapter 1

**Technically no one owns Human!Perry. All the same since I've recently been obsessed with Human!Perry story's. I've been reading them like an addict. Writing this makes me feel a bit like a thief. I had to write this though since it's the only thing I don't have writers block on and I thought it was okay so...please no hate.**

Curled up at the end of Ferbs bed Perry opened one eye. He got up and nudged his owner hoping to be fed before his early mission today. Having no luck with Ferb he nudged Phineas who sat up and yawned.

"Wow its early Perry. Do you wanna play boy?"

Perry blinked his spaced out eyes.

"Do you need to go outside?"

Perry blinked again.

"Are you hungry boy?"

Perry chattered yes.

"I wish I knew what you wanted. That's it! Ferb I know what we're gonna do today!"

Oh well. Perry thought. As long as his mission didn't take too long he'd be fine. He was a little hungry though so he nudged Ferb again.

Ferb rubbed his eye and patted Perrys head.

"Ferb! We should create a machine that could turn us into platypuses! Or platy pie...platy people?"

"There is actually no universally accepted plural for platypus."

"Oh yeah that's right Ferb! Well what do you think? I think it'll be fun being a platypus! And we can follow Perry to see where he goes every day!"

Perry gulped and took this as his chance to disappear. He slipped into the hallway and stood on two legs. He put his fedora on and breathed on a picture of Phineas and Ferb holding him. He rubbed the fog with his small teal hand and smiled when the picture shined. Then the floor opened under him and he slid down a tube into his swivel chair. He spun around to see Monogram on the screen asleep.

"Sir Agent P is here!" Carl said from the back round. "Sir!"

Perry raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. He was so bringing this up at the next O.W.C.A Christmas party.

Getting no response from Monogram Carl aimed the camera at himself. "Sorry about this early mission agent P! We need you to go thwart Doofinsmirtz since he has a dentist's appointment around your normal time. Um...good luck agent P!" Carl said with a salute.

Perry saluted back and climbed into his hover car taking to the skies.

Down in the Flynn Fletcher yard Isabella stepped beyond the gate to ask the boys a question.

"What'cha doin?" Then panning her eyes over the boys and scrunching up her nose she asked. "And what are you wearing?"

"We're going to turn ourselves into platypuses!" Phineas said excitedly. "And we're wearing special suits that will shrink to platypus size with us and grow back to human size when we turn back. Ferb designed them!"

Despite the fact that that was incredible Isabella was unimpressed. "All black Ferb?"

"Pardon me for not having a brighter color scheme." He retorted playfully.

"I know a few girls who can help you with this fashion crisis!" She exclaimed.

Back with Perry who had just landed on Doofinsmirtz roof as the jingle played.

Doofinsmirtz was unshaven and looked tired. "Let's get this over with okay? I have a dentist appointment later and I have to wait in a waiting room. Which reminds me!"

Doofinsmirtz pressed a button and a dentist's chair sprang up under Perry and lashed him to itself. Perry struggled for a moment as he waited for Doofinsmirtz to begin his monologue.

"You see Perry the platypus ever since I was a young boy in Drusslestinia I've watched people walk in and get what they want while I still have to wait in line. It's no fair Perry the platypus! So I've invented this!"

Behind him a light shone and Perry looked up to see a terrifying picture of young Vanessa giving an angry glare.

Doofinsmirtz looked behind himself. "Oh no this is a picture of my daughter Vanessa. I mean this!" The light shone again revealing a large metal ray. "I call it the reverserinator! It makes things do the opposite of what they would normally do! It will make refrigerator heat food and beds will keep people awake and...well I don't know how it will affect people I haven't tried it out yet..." Doof coughed. "But I'm sure it will be sinister!"

Perry scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"What you don't believe me Perry the platypus? Watch this!" He aimed the machine at his refrigerator and pressed the button. Afterwards he opened the door. "See Perry the platypus now all the food is-." Doof gagged. "Oh that smells really bad!"

While his nemesis was distracted Perry moved his arm out from underneath the strap and unbuckled himself. Still reeling from the smell Doofinsmirtz didn't see Perry until the agent kicked him in the side of his face. Perry then began pushing buttons on the inator to overload it.

"No Perry the platypus don't overload the-." Perry pulled Doofinsmirtz down so that none of the rapid blasts from the inator would hit him. One blast went all the way to the Flynn Fletcher yard in the middle of a musical number with strobe lights. They didn't notice the flash and continued to sing about what the world was like in the eyes of a semi aquatic mammal.

The inator exploded and Perry jumped into his hover car flying away as Doofinsmirtz yelled. "Curse you Perry the- oh the fridge reeks! Curse you Perry the platypus!"

A while later Perry crawled into the backyard. "Oh there you are Perry." Phineas observed. "Okay guys ready to join Perry in the metromere world?"

"Phineas!" Candace yelled slamming the gate open. "What are you boys up to?"

Perry who'd been behind the gate was knocked through the boy's machine. It whirred to life and glowed. Inside Perry gulped. "What's happening?" He yelled. Then he gasped and covered his mouth. Yes mouth. He wasn't a platypus anymore...


	2. Chapter 2

Phineas and the fireside girls gasped as a teal haired boy fell out the other side of the machine. Ferb blinked.

The boy sat up and looked at his hand. Then as quick as ever he jumped up and hid behind their tree hyperventilating.

"Eeek! He's naked!" Candace cried. The fireside girls began shrieking.

"Quiet guys you'll scare him!" Phineas whispered.

"Oh you are so busted!" Candace said leaning on their invention.

"Quiet Candace." Phineas chastised.

Candace rolled her eyes and blew a puff of air. Like she had to listen to her little brother, but she stayed quiet.

"Perry?" Phineas asked quietly.

Perry peered around the tree and winced away.

"Hey Perry it's me Phineas. Don't worry I won't hurt you. Come on out Perry."

"Phi-Phineas." Perry said testing his voice.

"That's right it's me Phineas!"

Perry shuddered. This was so strange almost as strange as when Heinz turned himself into a platypus.

"Ferb go find him some clothes. Hey Perry just stay put we'll figure everything out soon I promise." Isabella said taking control of the situation. "Gretchen go with Ferb make sure the clothes are the right size. Molly go with Gretchen make sure the clothes are fashionable."

"Hey!" Gretchen said offended. "I'm fashionable."

"Suuuuuuuure..." Isabella dragged out.

Perry ended up in an oversized white T-shirt and a pair of Phineas' shorts. Candace snorted. "Yeah that's high fashion."

"Sorry chief." Gretchen told Isabella. "That's all we could find."

Perry shifted uncomfortably and tried to chatter only to sound like he was laughing nervously.

Hearing their moms car in the driveway Candace giggled rubbing her hands together and then leaned back on the machine determined to keep it where it was so her mom would see it. But leaning on it made it slide out the gate. "No! No! No!" She cried chasing the machine.

"Oh who's your friend?" Linda asked opening the sliding door and missing Candace by a second.

"It's Perry mom! He's our Perry!" Phineas exclaimed.

"He doesen't belong to you Phineas stop being silly. Hello Perry." Linda noticed that Perry looked afraid. "Where are your parent's sweetie? You don't live around here do you?"

Perry cleared his throat. "A-Australia." He answered truthfully.

Linda gasped. "What do you mean they're in Australia?"

Perry winced and tried to hide behind the tree. That was the surprised tone of voice she used when she was upset with Perry. Like when he was young and he peed on the rug.

She softened immediately. "Why don't we go inside for snacks? Come on Perry." She took him by the hand and led him inside.

Sitting at the table across from Linda Perry squirmed and didn't touch his food. He tugged at his collar and held his spoon in his fist trying to think of what to do. Linda asked the Fireside girls to leave and ushered her sons upstairs.

"So Perry." Linda started softly. "Are your parents really in Australia?"

"I...don't know. They were last time I..." He stopped and squirmed more under her motherly gaze. This entire situation baffled and worried him. Would this end up blowing his cover?

Linda took his fear and anxiety and applied them to a realistic situation. "Did they lose you?"

"I-I don't remember." Perry said beginning to think of ways he might escape.

Linda was shocked. Despite her anger her eyes welled up. "Wait here just a second. I have to make some calls." She went into the kitchen to call her husband and the police to see if maybe his parent were looking for him. But it felt to her from the way he was acting that he'd been abandoned and that stirred motherly anger deep within her.

Perry stood and made his way quietly to the screen door, but Candace hair out of place and slightly messing clothing was making her way thought the backyard. Perry froze. What to do?

"Mooooom! The boys turned Perry into a human and he TALKS!" She yelled.

Linda dropped the phone and immediately scolded Candace. "Candace! Enough of this! Go to your room!"

"But-" Candace started weakly.

"No butts! March missy." She said with crossed arms. Then she glanced at Perry who was wide eyed with fear. "Don't worry Perry I've notified the local police. When your parents call looking for you they'll know right where you are."

Perry tugged at his collar again. "They might not be looking for me..." He said looking around avoiding her gaze.

Her eyebrows shot up and she felt angry towards his parents. "Are you sure? Maybe there's been a mistake-."

"No." Perry said quickly. "But I should leave. Thank you Mrs. Flynn. Bye!" Perry shuddered as he rushed by her. Talking felt so foreign.

"Wait Perry-" She called.

He darted to the front door just as it was opened by Mr. Fletcher. "What's all this about a lost boy then?" He asked.

Perry tried to dash past him but Linda was quickly upon him. "Perry don't leave!"

Perry looked between Mr. and Mrs. Flynn/Fletcher and gulped. What was he going to do?


	3. Chapter 3

Laurence looked down at Perry who again looked terrified. "Oh dear." He began. "Do we not know where his parents are?"

She bit her lip and looked down at Perry. "Not right now, but I'm sure they'll turn up soon. Come help me make more snacks in the kitchen." She said pulling her husband into the kitchen by the arm. "The last time he saw his parents they were in Australia." Linda said with a hint of anger.

"That's absolutely terrible! You don't think they abandoned him do you?"

"Shh! Keep your voice down! That may not be the case I don't want to scare him."

Perry could hear them just fine from the living room. He was glad they didn't suspect he was an agent, but what was he going to do when the police arrived?

He cast a glance up stairs to see Candace peeking out of her room and looking at him. She made a disturbing laughing sound. "Ha! Perry's already disappeared today! How are the boys going to make this disappear? They are soooo busted!"

Giving her an uneasy look Perry waved at her causing her to say "Meep!" and slam her door shut.

"Hey Perry." Linda said softly. "When the police get here all you need to do is tell them some information and they'll be able to find your parents. Okay sweetie?"

Perry looked away but nodded. Then jolted when he heard a car door shut.

Moments later the bell rang and Laurence let an officer inside. He looked at Perry with a caring expression. "Hey there kid. Sounds like you don't know where your parents are. I'm just going to take you to the station and ask you some questions. You're not in any trouble we just want to find your parents."

"Is it okay if I go with him officer? And maybe bring him a snack?"

"Yes that would be fine Mrs. Fletcher." Then he turned to Perry and asked. "Would you like her to come along?"

Perry gulped and nodded. It was beginning to look like there was no way out of this one.

Linda took Perry's hand and kissed Laurence on the cheek. "It's okay to tell the kids what's happening, but..." She looked down at the teal haired boy. "Only what we know for sure."

In the police car on the way to the station Perry fidgeted relentlessly and avoided Linda's motherly gaze. He never knew what a nice human she was before. It was a shame she'd gotten so worried about him when he knew he'd have to find some way out of this.

"Are you hungry Perry?" Linda asked pulling a chocolate bar from her bag. "It's not the healthiest snack, but everyone gets to indulge once in a while right?"

He shrugged but upon his stomachs command took and ate the chocolate. He was licking his fingers when Linda giggled and took out a napkin. "You really were hungry. Here you have chocolate on your cheek."

Perry smiled and thought that just for now it was fun to have a mother. Realizing what he was thinking Perry immediately put himself on a higher alert. As soon as he could he was going to make a run for it. The soft gaze on Linda's face was pulling his heartstrings, but he knew he had to do it.

Sensing his discomfort Linda held Perry's hand all the way into the police station until she was told not to do so. Perry had been observing his surroundings looking for a way out and hadn't noticed her trying to let go of his hand.

"Perry?" She asked bringing him back from his thoughts. "You need to go with him. I'll be right outside."

Perry tensed up for a moment then let go and followed a police officer. He did his best to answer the questions without answering them and made it seem like he'd lived under a rock all his life. He ended up telling them he didn't know his last or middle names. His parent's name, addresses, or even if his parents were in Australia or not like he'd mentioned to Linda. All in all he told them nothing.

Having run out of questions the officer just shook his head and sighed. He left Perry alone for a moment to talk to another officer in a hushed tone, but Perry still overheard.

"He doesn't know anything. I think his parents might have sold him as a worker or something."

"What makes you come to that conclusion?"

"Mainly that he's not educated, he doesn't know how he got to America, and he was quick to deny knowing any names but his first. Either he doesn't know or he thinks he'll get in trouble for telling. Besides look at him doesn't he look like he does some kind of heavy lifting?"

"I suppose he's in good shape, but wouldn't that be a sign against any kind of forced child labor?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's too soon to be guessing. Where do you think we should send him tonight? Orphanage?"

"Yeah probably. Poor kid."

Then the officer stepped back inside and gave Perry a sympathetic smile. "We haven't found your parents yet, but we've got a nice place for you to stay with lots of other children." Then he bent down to Perry's level. "Now kid is there anything at all you can tell us about your parents? Do you have your mom's hair or your dad's eyes?"

"Moms hair." He said and nodded.

The officer nearly rolled his eyes. That was the most help Perry had been the entire time. He put a hand on Perry's shoulder and began to walk him out stopping by Linda to say. "We haven't found his parents so he'll be spending the night in an o-r-p-h-a-n-a-d-g-e for safe keeping."

Perry could not spell but he knew the tone and he'd heard b-a-t-h enough that spelling things out was a bad phrase in his book. He squirmed out of the officers grasp. "No don't take me there!" He said and quickly noticed a vent behind Linda. He ran behind her and tried to pull it open.

Linda pulled him away from it. "Shhh its okay Perry you don't have to go. Officer would it be okay for us to take him in?"

"I suppose...you did apply for that safe place for kids program last year. I'll look into it. Just keep him here okay? I'll be back with approval soon as I can."

Linda rubbed Perry's back. "Don't worry Perry. You can stay with us as long as you need to."

Perry gave a nervous chatter, but it sounded more like nervous laughing. He did want to stay with his host family over whatever an o-r-p-h-a-n-a-d-g-e was. So he put himself into pet mode and leaned against Linda hoping it would feel like it always did. She patted his shoulder and said seething things all the way home and it began to remind him eerily of a visit to the vet.


	4. Chapter 4

Perry would love to blame his early mission and lack of food for his fatigue, but he couldn't deny that part of it was how safe he felt in Linda's arms. He made his consciousness unknown as he felt himself being lifted from the backseat with Linda into Laurence's arms.

He blinked his eyes open as he was set on the couch. The lights to the living room were off and it took him a moment to adjust to the darkness. Once he did he sat up and looked around and took note of the differences in his human perspective.

"What do you want to do Linda? You're not suggesting we adopt the boy, are you?" Laurence whispered.

Save for a short moment of shock Perry immediately went into his agent mode to investigate the whispering. Crouched by the kitchen door he strained to hear.

"He's just so…damaged Laurence. I can't stand the idea of him in an orphanage. If his parents don't turn up I think we could provide a safe home for him."

Perry cringed at the sympathy and believed he could feel Linda cringing too waiting for her husband's response.

"Linda darling I think that would be splendid!"

Both Linda and Perry let out a sigh of relief. Then he heard a rustling and assumed they were hugging.

"Let's go tell him." Linda said.

Quickly Perry dashed to the couch and attempted to appear asleep, but in rushing his weight made the sofa squeak.

"Perry are you awake?" Laurence asked from the doorway having missed Perry's skilled action.

Sitting up Perry rubbed his eyes and yawned. Casting them a lazy eyed glance he gave a slight smile. "I-I fell asleep?"

"Yes. You must have been so tired coming here from Australia and all my boy." Laurence said sitting at the end of the couch.

Linda sat next to him and spoke softly. "Perry just in case we aren't able to find your parents. We want to know if you'd like to stay with us?"

Perry blinked. They were asking what he wanted? A benefit of being human he supposed. He did want to stay…maybe he could stay. Yes. He could stay right in his host family's home while he figured this out. All he had to do was say yes and he was about to.

Realization struck him and he closed his mouth. They thought they were adopting a lost child they'd be devastated when suddenly he was gone. "I don't know. I-"

"We won't make you decide right away of course! We'll do everything we can to find your parents!" Laurence assured.

"Um…"

"We don't think it will come to that though. I'm sure your parents will be found." Linda added not sounding completely sure or happy about it.

They'd just given him exactly what he needed time to think. Of course he wouldn't be thinking about what they thought he would be. "Thank you." He said shyly.

The two adults smiled and shared a look while Perry looked around taking things in again. He was a cute boy. He had his wild teal hair and his large innocent eyes that stayed slightly out of focus. His mouth was small and while he kept his expression dull his eyes still held a slightly curious air.

"If you want you can sleep upstairs with Phineas and Ferb. We have an extra cot we can set up. That way you won't be down here alone."

"Oh yes I forgot about the cot!" Laurence exclaimed in his scatter brained way. "Would you like me to go get it for you?"

Perry nodded finding himself eager to be with the two boys. He couldn't exactly curl up at the foot of anyone's bed, but the sound of their breathing would still bring him comfort. "I'd like that."

So he was set up in Phineas and Ferbs room with the cot between their beds. Ferb had woken up and the boys had lain for nearly an hour staring at each other before Ferbs eyelids grew heavy.

Ferbs eyes closed on Perry and blinked back open to an empty cot and then again and Perry was back. Shortly after he fell asleep and stayed asleep even as Perry gently waved his hand in front of his face. Satisfied that Ferb was asleep Perry put his agent hat on and twisted the decorative molding on a wall sideways opening a secret door. He stepped inside backwards watching the boys.

In the lair Perry turned on the screen and waited. Finally Carl in blue pajamas with a night cap walked grudgingly in front of the camera. He wasn't wearing his glasses, but he recognized the teal hair.

"Agent P do you have any idea what time it is?" Carl yawned. "I've had a really long day can't this wait?"

Perry cleared his throat. "Sorry but there's been an emergency. Just let me ex-."

Carl raced off the screen and came back wearing his glasses. He took one look at Perry and shrieked. "Ahhh! We've been breached! Code red! Code red!"

"Wait Carl it's me! I'm Agent P there's been a mistake."

In his panic Carl slammed his fist down on a red button alerting all the agents simultaneously that there was a crisis. Perry's lair soon flooded with fedora wearing animals.

Monogram walked onto the screen next to Carl. "What's happening? What breach?"

"Sir there's a human in Agent P's lair! Look!"

At this point Perry was annoyed. "Carl! It's me! Perry the platypus!"

"What?" The unpaid intern asked incredulously.

Perry took a calming breath. "Today Phineas and Ferb built an invention that was supposed to turn them into platypuses, but for whatever reason when Candace knocked me through I was turned into a human."

All the agents looked at Carl seeming to say unanimously ''Really Carl? All this for a false alarm?"

"Oops." Carl said embarrassed. "Sorry Agent P."

"Can you fix it?" Perry asked.

"I can try." Carl shrugged.

Monogram spoke up. "Has anyone seen you?"

Perry gulped. "My host family and some of their friends."

"Great googly-moogly! This will blow your cover for sure! You cannot I repeat cannot stay in this situation any longer!"

"Wait! They think I'm a lost child. They're sort of trying to adopt me. No ones even geussed I'm an agent Linda and Laurence Flynn/Fletcher don't even belive I was a platypus. They think it's their kids imagination."

"So what you're saying is it would draw attention to take you out of this situation?"

Perry fought off a smile. "….Yes it would."

"Then the Flynn/Fletchers have to adopt you!" Major Monogram said determinedly.

"Wait won't Mr. and Mrs. Flynn/Fletcher realize their platypus is missing?"

Perry tapped his chin. "Phineas and Ferb won't go looking for me. I guess Linda and Laurence will miss me, but they won't have much time to worry about that while they're adopting a new child."

"Yeah." Carl said with growing enthusiasm. "This could really work." Then his face fell and the pale boy paled even more.

"What? What is it Carl?" Monogram demanded.

"What will we tell Doofensmirtz?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Have I ended a single chapter of this story without a cliff hanger? Be critical please. I know I need it.**

"We'll tell him what happened, but leave out the details." Perry said simply.

Carl bit his lower lip. "It's not that simple Agent P. When word gets out that Phineas and Ferb created a machine that turns animals into humans two things will happen. One every kid on the block is going to want to turn their pet human and two something that big will leak out."

"And of course the most attention worthy children ever own a secret agent. Really Carl what were you thinking?" Monogram asked skeptically.

"Hey don't look at me I'm just an unpaid intern!"

Perry ignored them as they continued to banter. He was deep in thought as deep as they were in argument and that was deep.

Suddenly Perry snapped his fingers. "Just for today have someone fill in for me with Doofensmirtz."

"A time of crisis is not a great time for a day off agent P. Besides it's not in the budget."

"I won't be taking the day off. I'll be able to stop Phineas and Ferbs invention from working and then they'll have nothing to show the other children. The other children will become bored and the invention won't rise to fame. There's just one tiny detail." Perry said gears clearly working in his head. "Their sister Candace is always trying to bring Phineas and Ferbs inventions to their mother's attention. Should Candace catch me trying to sabotage the machine she may distrust me."

"Wow." Carl said staring at Perry.

The agent backed up and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Is that how you talk all the time?"

Perry slouched and folded his arms.

"I'm sorry Agent P! It's just that you're so formal I don't know I never thought you'd be like… and that Australian accent... You know I've never thought about it before. I wonder what the other agents sound like?"

"That's enough Carl. Ok Agent P we'll go through with your plan."

"I wonder what Agent W would sound like?" Carl pondered.

Monogram rolled his eyes. "Any way get back home Agent P. We'll deal with this in the morning."

"It is morning sir."

The animal agents groaned and rolled their eyes.

Monogram sighed. "Dismissed." He said with an annoyed edge. "Did you really have to panic Carl?"

"I was sleep deprived!"

"Speaking of sleep deprived." Perry said cutting Monogram off before he could retort. "The boys wake up early so I need to get going."

Monogram saluted. "Dismissed."

Perry saluted back then jumped from his chair into his hover car. "Sorry. Force of habit." He stood from the car flushed and made his way back home.

Creeping back to his cot he noticed Ferb hugging a wooden log. He let himself smirk as he lay down to sleep.

On the first tone Phineas slapped off his alarm clock, sat up, and yawned. "Morning Ferb. Morning Perry."

Perry's eyes snapped open bloodshot. Not a wink of sleep.

Soon the boys were up going through blue-prints and brain storming. Perry pulled the pillow over his head and attempted to sleep through their chat. Really it was Phineas talking and Ferb listening, but still it was loud.

Finally he gave in and went to see what they were working on. Leaning over Ferb's shoulder to get a better look he saw they weren't going to make another human machine. He'd have sworn it would be all the rage after his transformation and he'd have to stop other animals from being transformed.

Ferb had done some math showing how the machine could have malfunctioned, but that was all they'd done about it. Perry had his work cut out for him today.

It was a little unnerving waiting for his watch to beep and remembering it wasn't going to. Trips to the police station and an adoption agency kept him on edge, but it was otherwise a normal day.

Until he decided to take a nap.

"Phineas! He's on my bed again! Get him off!" Candace yelled.

Perry blinked an eye open to see Stacey inches from his face. "Wow your brothers really did it this time! Too bad your mom won't believe you."

Perry rolled over and tried to block them out to get some well-deserved sleep.

Candace wasn't having it. She grabbed Perry by the collar of his shirt and started to drag him out the door.

Perry in a completely unfamiliar situation and half asleep acted without thinking. He slipped out of his shirt a teal button up Linda had bought him and slipped under Candace's bed. An action she did not appreciate.

"Phineas! Ferb!" She yelled. "Get your smelly pet out of my room!"

"Candace should you really be talking about him like that? I mean what if he understands you?" Stacey said worried.

"He's just a dumb animal they can't understand any-."

Perry crawled from under Candace's bed and dusted his shoulders off. He took his shirt from Candace's hand and went to sleep somewhere else. He didn't care what they said he just wanted them to stop talking.

Candace and Stacey were silenced. "Do you think he understood me Stacey?"

"Yep."

"Huh. Who knew?"

Having finally gotten some peace sleeping in the bath tub Perry let a little aggravation seep through when he received a message on his watch. "What?"

Monogram looked confused. "You've got a message agent P….we don't know what it means, but we think you should look into it."

Perry started to move when Monogram suddenly smacked his own forehead. "Sorry Agent P. I forgot you had a different mission today."

"It's fine. Phineas and Ferb aren't going to change all the neighborhood animals into humans."

"Why not? I mean that's great Agent P see you in HQ!"

Perry sighed. So much for his nap.


	6. Chapter 6

"So here we have a list of things Vanessa has been buying for her father this weekend. Doofensmirtz hasn't left his home in a week. He must be planning something big put a stop to it Agent P."

Perry saluted. "Yes sir!"

Monogram shuddered. "I can't get used to him talking Carl. It's just plain weird."

"Weren't you supposed to give him a message?"

"…Carl we may have a problem." Monogram said slowly.

Perry circled the Doofensmirtz building a few times unsure of what to do. He could just walk in now. He was beginning to feel silly on his scooter and he was sure he could find some way. Finally he took a deep breath and pressed the intercom button.

"P-package for a Dr. Heinz Doofenhurtz." He said quickly.

"Ooh! It's my blanket with arms isn't it? Come right up, but uh…the elevator's broken so take the stairs." Then after a pause he added. "And it's Doofensmirtz! The mayor Rodger Doofensmirtz he's my brother!"

Perry cleared his throat and tried again. "Doof-en-smitz."

"Smirtz."

"That's what I said. Doofensmalt."

The evil scientist sighed into the speaker. "Just call me Heinz and get up here with my blanket with arms! I'm going to use it as part of my trap for my nemesis!"

Perry snickered. "Yes Sir. Be up right away."

The staircase was huge and by the time he'd gone up four flights he was done. Exhausted he finally took a graveling hook from his hat and swung it up a few story's opting to climb that way instead. Once he'd reached Doofensmirtz apartment level he coiled the rope and replaced it in his hat.

He removed his hat, put on a fake mustache, and knocked on his nemeses door.

"Where's my package?" The scientist asked looking around the hallway for one.

Perry just pulled back and punched Doofensmirtz in the face. He then jumped into his evil scientist's lair landing in a ninja pose.

"Ouch! What did you do that for?"

Perry took of his mustache and put on his hat. "Remember me?" When the scientist gave no sign of understanding Perry rolled his eyes and chattered.

"Perry the platypus human!" He exclaimed. "Where's my package?"

Perry shrugged.

"How am I supposed to trap you without all the parts for my trap?" The scientist asked angrily. "Didn't you get my message? I called to make sure you knew it would take me a while to make a human sized trap."

"I did not receive any message. Besides you were supposed to be assigned someone else today."

Doofensmirtz blinked.

Thinking he was having the same hang-up as Carl Perry added. "Platypuses are from Australia therefore I speak with an Australian accent. I've also been told I sound very formal, but that's a matter of opinion."

"No it's not that. I mean you do sound ridiculous." Perry glowered. "What? You do!"

"Your point?" Perry asked annoyed.

"Another agent was going to fight me today?" He asked confused.

"…Yes. Is that important?"

"Why?"

"I'm not at liberty to say."

Doofensmirtz smiled. "Awe come on. You can tell me!"

Perry raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to dignify that with a response. Just think of a new trap idea and get to monologuing."

"Geez Perry the hastypus. What is your problem?"

The agent shook his head. "Never mind that. Let's focus on the task at hand."

"Is it because you're a human now?" Heinz asked then smiled wickedly. "Not as simple as the monotreme life is it?"

"No, not really." Perry admitted with complete annoyance. "But again that's not the point."

Doofensmirtz smiled even wider. "Now look who's a sourpuss! Or should I say sourboy?" He teased.

"Let's just say animals can disappear easier and don't have to watch where they sleep." Perry said vaguely.

"That's…weird." Doofensmirtz said scratching the back of his neck.

"Human conversations get weird. Just something I've noticed." The former platypus said plainly.

Doofensmirtz shrugged. "I guess they do and this especially because you're a platypus that I'm talking to right now. I mean I do that all the time, but it's it's just weird when you think about it you know?"

"Yeah it's weird. Do you have an evil plan for today? Any sort of….scheme?" Perry said motioning with his hands around the apartment like he didn't really have all the time in the world.

The evil scientist scoffed. "What? Are you on a schedule or something?"

It took all of two seconds for him to think of something believable. "The agency is putting me through..Species rehab. To help me adjust to being a different species. I'll have to be back soon."

"Oh really? I didn't think they had the resources."

Perry refrained from rolling his eyes. The agency probably didn't have the resources. "It's not even that complicated. So scheme?"

"Oh yes. Hmmmm I want to trap you first maybe some sort of….hmmmm." Doofensmirtz thought for a moment. "That's it my relative-away-inator!"

The evil scientist pulled out a remote and a beam of blue surrounded Perry and began to drag him through the door. "You see Perry the platypus human whenever my relatives come to visit me well it ruins my whole day. So I invented the relative-away-inator to take them away from the building!"

Unable to move anything else Perry rolled his eyes.

"Oh whatever Perry the platypus of course you wouldn't understand. My Aunt Matillda is coming to visit and she always pinches my cheeks too hard and they hurt for weeks after. So now Aunt Matillda will be dragged away!"

"Oh Heinz!" A stout woman called from the door. "Aunty Matillda's here to give her little Heinzy weinzy a big hello." Thought slightly over bearing Perry couldn't see anything to wrong with her. Matillda raised her hand which looked twice as big as it needed to and had a large vein quivering as she pinched the air. "Lemme give those baby cheeks a little pinch!"

"Wait with Perry the human platypus in my relative-away-inator I can't away-innate Aunt Matill-." He was caught off by painful cheek pinches and cooed baby talk.

Slowly moving backwards by the beam Perry wished he could look away. At least he was being pulled away from the horrendous scene.

Then struggling to get away from his aunt Doofensmirtz fell back against the machine and caused the beam to flicker and then go away. "Help me Perry the platypus human!"

Perry shrugged and tried to pull the woman off his nemesis, but she was attached. He then took the advantage to destroy the invention and gave a salut. "Good luck with this one."

"Wait no help me! Curse you Perry the platypus human!"

**Everything that doesen't add up in this chapter will be explained no worrys. An...I don't ever do this, but could you guys give me some more critical reviews. Be serious like ''this was good, this was bad, this made no sense, this was OOC, you'd have done this better if you..." instead of going OMFG you updated that's like totaly enough for me! Yay! Be critical. Pm me if you have a bunch to say but just tell me honestly what's good/bad in this.**


	7. Chapter 7

However returning home he was met with a shock. Phineas, Ferb, And Linda were all standing in the front yard, calling his name.

Most shocking to him. Linda looked close to tears.

Thinking quickly Perry dashed out of view making his way into the backyard without being seen he pulled open the sliding door and slipped inside. He stood for a moment thinking before he finally snapped his fingers seeming to have had an idea.

After hiding his fedora in his left pant leg he rumpled his shirt and messed up his hair. Then promptly walked right into the front yard from the front door.

"Y-yes?" He said shyly.

"Oh Perry!" Linda said so relived. "Where were you?"

Perry rubbed his eyes as if to rub sleep out of them. "I fell asleep." He was actually rather tired and it seemed believable.

"You're having terrible jet-lag." Linda mused. Then still seeming a bit disturbed she asked, "Who wants snacks?"

"Ooh I do!" Phineas said gleefully.

Ferb quietly raised his hand and Perry just looked around. Unsure of what to do. Phineas and Ferb knew he was a platypus so he didn't know how intelligent he was supposed to act around them. On the other had Linda was giving him that motherly look again.

Tentatively, he raised his hand, like Ferb had.

Linda smiled. "That settles it. I'm making us all some nacho's!"

After Linda had gone inside Perry glanced at the boys and asked, "What's this?" In reference to his and Ferbs raised arms. He knew what it meant, but he wanted to seem less intelligent than he actually was.

Phineas raised both arms and smiled. "It's like saying yes with your arms!"

"Or asking a question, or volunteering." Ferb commented.

"Volunteering?"

"Saying you'll do something." Phineas explained.

Perry did his best to look like he was mulling this over. "And...saying is?"

Candace watched the three boys talk from the bushes. She was actually on a branch in the bushes leaning forward precariously. "How can I prove this boy is Perry?"

Perry continued to ask very simple and slightly demeaning questions. He even asked about clothes and shoes. Once he was satisfied that Phineas and Ferb weren't suspicious of him he turned to face the bush Candace was in.

He tilted his head to the side and stared at it for a moment before stepping forward into it and finding Candace there. His expression must have portrayed his confusion because Candace immediately began to explain herself.

"I am going to bust those two! And you are their ticket to bustitude!"

"Bustitude?" Perry asked genuinely confused.

"Oh Candace don't make up words." Linda said having just walked outside. "And climb down from there you-."

On cue Candace's branch gave way. Acting without think Perry moved under Candace and she landed on top of him. His legs shook a little under her weight and she quickly climbed down.

Perrys eyes widened as he realized what he'd done.

The Flynn/Fletcher's stared for a moment before Phineas spoke up.

"Perry..Perry that was awesome!" He exclaimed. "You were like-." Phineas imitated Perry's quick grab. "And-." He made his expression steely for a moment to mirror how Perry's had been.

Perry simply blinked.

Candace growled. "Errrrr." Then she marched inside.

"Candace I made nachos!" Her mother called.

The teenage girl replied with an unintelligible grunt.

Perry gave a weak smile. "What are Nachos?" He asked attempting to get the focus off what he'd just done.

Linda smiled. "You will love them." And led the three boys inside.

Perry'd had nachos before. He knew way more than he was letting on. He attempted to just let Linda think he was shy, but worried she'd wonder if he asked too many questions that he now felt Phineas and Ferb would expect from him. He didn't want to just switch personalities when Linda was around. That would be odd.

Perry yawned. He didn't want to think anymore. He leaned forward on his wrist his eyes glazing over with sleep.

**This is not the entire chap. I'll type the rest up soon. But now I gotta sleep. Lol**


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